Freak Accident

I had a freak accident the Thursday night before Good Friday. Freak...cos it all happened out of nothing. I was watching xinmsn and surfing the net and wanted to go to bed, got off the chair...and my foot flipped (just like how your foot flips sideways sometimes when you are heels)and then there was this loud crack, and all I can recall now is I suddenly collapsed to the floor. I remember being it so so painful that all I could do at that moment was reach out for the phone and call D who was in Malaysia, and bursting out into tears for a full 2-3 minutes before I could finally speak.

The damage... a crack in the bone of my outer left foot. OUCH! I did not think it was too serious at first, like I think a sprained ankle might have been worse. After all I could still walk; limping of course. Well, I certainly assumed too much and took things for granted cos by Monday my foot was swollen and full of bruised marks from lack of blood circulation.

On Good Friday, I persisted to attend mass, and even carried Isabelle. A church warden saw me limping so badly, she asked if I had any help, why was I alone in that state and said to me she understood how tough it is for me as a mother, but God is watching and to be brave and have faith. At that moment, tears just welled up in my eyes. I could not bear to turn around to thank her for her kind words. Sometimes I wonder why I have to go through this journey on my own. I act tough so that my close ones do not have to worry about me, but it's really hard to be tough everyday.

On Sat, thinking that I was better, I decided to bring Isabelle out to the supermarket to choose some snacks for her birthday party pack. Well, never underestimate the weight of these snacks. I ended up with 6 bags of stuff and soon realised when I reached home that there was no way I was going to be able to carry them all up while limping. Isabelle was a sweetie and volunteered to help me carry 2 bags. She randomly chose 2, one of which turned out to be rather heavy and ended up dragging the bags on the floor from the carpark all the way upstairs. She seemed mighty pleased with herself on this achievement, as she grinned widely at me when we reached our doorstep before dropping the bags on the floor, and making a dash inside our home.

D comes home on Sat night, just in time for us to celebrate Easter as a family. My parents arrive on Monday afternoon as they had planned to celebrate Isabelle's birthday with her. Mum was shocked and upset to see my foot and that I had kept it from her. And then she felt sad, knowing that I had to bear with all the pain and inconvenience on my own, and what if they had not planned to come visit?

I've learnt from this experience that I must not take my life and health for granted, that I need to look after myself better for the sake of Isabelle. I know I push myself everyday to be the best working mother and caregiver to my child, sometimes even beyond my limits. I never wished for my life to be like this. But perhaps I accept it better, cos my mum went thru exactly the same experience cos dad was always working outstation. It seems like history is repeating itself, I really pray and hope Isabelle wont have to go through what I'm going through one day. It will really break my heart to watch her live my life, just the way mum is watching me live mine now.