Alpha Parenting Course

Another fulfilling day, and great way to start the week. I attended the 2nd session of the Alpha Parenting Course today (missed the first one last week cos I totally forgot about it). The theme of today was spending time with your younger ones.

1. The importance of play

I'm glad to be on the right track on this. Never underestimate the power of play, and more importantly play can be in any form, not necessarily with toys. Isabelle has plenty of this, she is allowed to roam into the kitchen even when I am cooking, as long as she is clear of certain boundaries and what is dangerous. SHe helps herself to the bottom drawers of the kitchen cabinets and dwells in a world of make belief cooking while I do the real cooking

2. Develop routines - Mealtimes & Bedtimes being the key ones

Children thrive on routines, it helps them know what to expect and keeps them calm as they move on from one activity to the next. I'm a strong believer of routines despite whatever critisms I get from the in-laws. When Isabelle was looked after by the helper, it helped me monitor what was happening from the office just by knowing the various times she had her meals, her bath, her naps etc. Today, I continue to establish the same routines on weekends though with more flexibility, so that she does not get over stretched and end up in melt downs. The one part I am failing badly in is mealtimes, and I know I really ought to improve on this. Hoping to implement this in the next few weeks though I know it may compromise her eating initially.

3. Family Holidays

It may seem like a lavish thought, but family holidays are the only times when we can put aside work totally and spend quality time with the kid. The key thing is not about the destination or about travelling far away, but setting aside time to create a holiday. Some of the ideas shared by the leaders (and they have actually done it with their children before) include pretending that the master bedroom was a hotel room, where the air con was allowed the entire day, food & drinks were consumed in the room like room service, and all they did was laze, watch tv and play games. It still sounds too far fetched to me, but i think it may be something worth doing, maybe for just half a day.

And then we broke up into smaller groups for some sharing. My group consisted of
Leader M - father of 3 kids, age between 11 - 19, his wife is a SAHM and they have no helper
Leader D - mother of 2, all grown up
Mum K - mother of a boy age 4, with helper, FTWM
Mum C - mother of 2 girls age 20 months & 6, SAHM with no helper and husband travels frequently

What I gained most is that men & women think really differently, and it is the same in almost every household (comforting to know that). Think about it...
- who worries if the child is not eating well? i bet the husband will think oh well, the kid will eat when he/she is hungry
- who keeps updated on the newest indoor playground in town, or the Barney Musical or Disney show coming to town?
- who in your household documents all the child's milestones?
- who initiates talking to the teacher in school about your child's development?

I have always felt the burden of holding this household together. BUt today I realised I was not alone in this, and that was a form of encouragement to me. The fact is men & women are made differently, fortunately or unfortunately women are the ones who hold it together. The advice was to learn to bring yourself level to your partner and agree together on what is best for your child. Only if there is common agreement, can husband & wife move on and work together as parents. This common agreement also needs to evaluated and re-evaluated from time to time, as the child develops/changes, as the household priority changes, as our work commitment changes. It was really amusing when mum K said this is almost like doing a goal setting & KPI tracking, funny but true.

Leader M also shared how important it is to step into each other's shoes. For him, this meant giving his wife 3 holidays a year without the family, to take a break with her sisters. And for him to run the household on his own, i.e. getting food to the table, doing the laundry and ironing, picking the kids up from school. This often made him realise what a marvellous wife he had though she was a SAHM. An example he quoted was how he would start ironing at 2pm, and when the momentum had set in...it was 2.30 and he was undecided if he had time to take a quick shower before picking his daughter up at 3 or what time he should leave the house. Having come home, it took him some time again before he could get himself to continue ironing that basket of clothes. On contrary, his wife would probably be ironing right to the last minute, before she rushed out of the house. Coming home, it would be work as usual. That's the thing about women, we are complex creatures who can multi task like it was a no brainer, but men can't and we need to understand that.

I enjoyed how candid and honest everyone was in their sharing. And though apprehensive at the start, I too shared in my difficulties and challenges. I'm really looking forward to the next session, pity its only a 10 session course. This was definitely chicken soup for my soul today, and I'm hoping to get to know the other mums better in time to come.

I will be documenting on what I learn every week, as a reminder to myself and to share with whoever's reading, so stay tuned!