It's been 6 months since Isabelle started child care, and 5 months since we sent the helper home; I can't believe half a year has passed by in a flash. In this time, I have and our family has grown a lot and learned many lessons (although some the hard and painful way).
For myself, things are no easier than before. The husband while based in Singapore, works in KL and due to work commitments is not able to come back on weekends sometimes. It's a case of so near, yet so far. I've learned to adapt much better now, getting myself into the routine of things and preparing & pre-empting the unexpected. I've also learned during this time that I can be a full time working mother, educator, care-giver to my little one if I push myself a little more each day and sacrifice my personal time. I am not super human though and there are times that I do break down and want to scream, but seeing Isabelle gives me a sense of calmness and I know it is all worth it. A couple of days ago, my mum was shocked to find out that I never sit down to have dinner. Yup, it's true.... it's mad coping on my own to that extent that I rush through my meal while completing the household chores of washing and cleaning. Every minute is just so precious, and if I can complete any chore faster, that means more time with Isabelle. Close friends also gasp with horror to learn that I login from home almost every night to clear emails or some office work. Well, not that I like doing this, but i leave work at 6pm sharp everyday, and there's really no free lunch in this world. You can't win it all, and something's got to compromise. As long as I get to spend quality time with Isabelle, logging in to clear some work when she sleeps is not a big deal to me.
For the husband & I, we've lost all our couple time. Because D does not see Isabelle much, all our focus on weekends (if he's back) is on Isabelle. It's honestly bad for the relationship, and I wished we had more help to take a break once in a while and just talk about some other topic besides the kid (and work). During the last few months, we've also gone through one of the worst times as parents seeing Isabelle fall ill over and over again. It is also through these times that we learnt to re-prioritise our lives again on what's most important to us. We had a fair bit of unhappiness because of the in-laws unwillingness to help and lack of concern for Isabelle. But once D came to a realisation and acceptance that his parents would not lend us any help (though they claim they want to), we were able to move on and realise that looking after Isabelle's health and needs were our sole responsibility, and we have to work together as if there was no other help instead of assuming that there would be. We also learnt that in no way should we compromise Isabelle's health and needs due to family pressure, cos only us as parents understand her condition best. So honestly I don't really care now if the in-laws think I'm trying to be difficult if they want to plan something which is beyond Isabelle's tolerance of her regular routine. Yes, her nap time or meal time can stretch a little, but it can't be far and beyond and be unreasonable. Which reminds me that I'm not going to be so tolerant the next CNY after experiencing a bad one this year, where Isabelle had only vegetables and rice to eat(unbelievable but true! MIL said she would prepare chicken and fish, and no need for me to prepare anything. I respected her and it turned out, she did not prepare anything suitable for the kid except vegetables). OK, gonna stop ranting here.
For Isabelle, she seems to have grown up so much in the last 6 months. More importantly, Isabelle's health has improved a lot in the last 6 weeks, though I'm not sure if its under control cos of the steroids she is taking. The dosage is mild and supposedly not harmful, but I'm really hoping the review this weekend with the paed will be good, and she can be off all medication totally. I would like to think she has grown stronger, especially seeing her fight off a mild cold before our HK trip, and adjusting to the slightly colder weather there. Keeping my fingers crossed!
We have also observed that Isabelle has grown more independent in the recent months. It's like my baby just grew up overnight. She knows all her routines very well; for example when it's bath time, she gets her diaper from the cupboard, clothes from her drawer and marches to the bedroom, flings her stuff (diaper & clothes) on the bed then proceeds to undress herself in the bathroom. The first day I noticed this, I thought it was a fluke. But it's been happening everyday since. Recently I also noticed her reading to herself while i hang up the laundry. She would help herself to the books at the basket by our bedside one by one; and for some of her favourite story books imitate the sounds and actions that I would usually do. I couldn't help smiling as I watched her again tonight. How on earth did she learn all that? Sometimes I wonder if she is growing up too fast because of our family environment. Turning 2 and she is already learning and watching me cook an egg every weekend. Ask her the steps to cook a half boil egg, and she knows all the sequence. I won't be surprise if she wants to cook an egg herself in a few months time!
It's been a tough half year, but with much blessings, things have turned out far better than expected in the recent 2 months. My mum reminded me recently after not seeing Isabelle for 5-6 weeks from her last visit, that things have really turned around for us and that I ought to be thankful for the many blessings and that I'm really fortunate that Isabelle is such an obedient and lovely child. Indeed it's true, Isabelle has brought light into my life and I honestly could not be more happy than now.
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