4 Dec 2011 - grandma passed away this morning. I am shocked but at the same time relief. She has been suffering a lot the past year. Her body has shrivelled so much, as my brother says, it's as if her body is eating her up. She looks almost like a skeleton, and I can hardly recognise her at a glance. Her body sores were increasing one by one; creating holes in her body. We know God has taken her to a better place now. Though we were prepared for this news, the reality of it is still hard to accept.
The morning was filled with a flurry of phone alls. We were suppose to head to my Aunt's place for lunch, but Isabelle is down with a fever. Knowing how stressful it must be, my AUnt offered to bring lunch over...and then she called again to ask if she could bring over dinner instead. Next D called to check if Isabelle's fever was better. And so when the next call came, we weren't expecting to hear the bad news. My Aunt who called from Malaysia must have been so shocked and upset, that she called to my home calling my Aunt's name instead of my mum's. Mum was so shocked, she let out a scream and then burst out crying, and I knew what the news was. The greatest regret was not being at grandma's bedside at her final hours, not being able to bring her back home from the hospital. Grandma had a bad pneumonia 2 months back, and everyone agreed to let her stay on at the convalescence home where she would receive better care cos her bed sores were getting unmanageable, and the maid hired to look after her was not caring for grandma well. Grandma may have thought that we had abandoned her, and what I know is she has not been talking or responding to anyone since.
All I have now are just memories of my grandma. Happy memories of my younger days when grandma used to bring me out. Being the only grandchildren who lived in the same town as them, grandma (and grandpa) doted on me a lot, I was like their favourite grandchild. In the last year, when she was bedridden, I tried to call back when possible just to speak a few words to her. She would respond with a loud sigh cos she was too weak to speak. During a period when she was kind of unconscious, she responded by blinking her eyes. BUt in the last few months even before she was hostpialised, I could no longer speak to her as her pneumonia was getting quite bad, and everyone had to put on masks at home, and so upon doctors advice, we also had to stop bringing in the phone to her bedroom. I wished I could have seen her one last time, and was looking forward to Christmas. I wanted so much to massage her limbs, and do the arm exercises with her, just like during CNY and my last visit in Aug. Alas, that day was not meant to be.
BUt I know she is in a better place now. God has blessed her and taken away all the pain and suffering. I know grandma will be in heaven. Ever since she converted to the Catholic faith, and especially in her later years when she was less mobile, all she did everday, was recite the rosary again and again, one decade for each child, one decade for each grandchild. She prayed for us every single day of her life...even to the last few months, all she clung on to was the rosary which she held on tightly against her chest. God will definitely bless her.
I miss you grandma...I really really do.
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